Have you ever felt like you were drained and could not go on anymore? You just wanted time to stop? Well, let's meet a woman of strength as she tells her story and how she is Sparkling through it irrespective of how she feels. She takes each day trusting it will be better and will Sparkle for her.
Meet Roseline, and this is her story.
My name is Roseline, I am originally from Cameroon but resident in London, United Kingdom. I have a BA in Business and Managerial Studies and a Diploma in Counselling though currently, I am a stay at home mum.
It all happened on the 19th of January, 2018 when my phone rang at a few minutes past 5 pm. I picked the call and heard - "Mummy, Kimora has stopped breathing. The ambulance is here, she is been intubated. Can you quickly meet us at the Resuscitation Department, Whipp Cross Cross Hospital?"
My world went blank, I went numb. What could have happened to my daughter I thought as I grabbed my son and booked an uber to the hospital.
Kimora-Lauren was born on the 11th of September 2014 at Croydon University Hospital. She was such a jewel and a ray of sunshine to me but minutes after her birth, she was rushed to St Georges Hospital, Tooting with a distended abdomen. Thus began a journey that lasted eight months, and three weeks juggling through NICU (Neonatal Intensive care Unit), HDU (High Dependency Unit), and SCBU (Special Care Babies Unit). She was eventually diagnosed with GDD (Global Developmental Delay) but she was picking up and getting better daily.
I got to the hospital and after an hour or so of crying, I was led to Resus where I saw loads of doctors and nurses trying to resuscitate Kimora. At this point, she looked so lifeless so I went on my knees and kept reciting Psalms 91 and personalising it using her name. About half an hour later, a doctor came to me and says to me- "Mum, we have tried everything in our power plus extra help, but Kimora has now died."At that moment, I felt extra strength come into me and the song "Teach me from my heart to say thy will be done." I could not find words, I was broken. No mother wants to hear such words. No parent wants to bury their child. I cried, I praised, and I worshipped. The Lord gave, and He has taken. Blessed be His name.
Losing a child or a loved one is not something you can overcome. It remains in you daily that "I had" a child who is no more. for us who are in Christ Jesus, we know that death is a triumph and not a tragedy (though it does not make it easy, it gives hope). I believe in eternal life, I believe in heaven, so believe she is in heaven and we will meet again someday to part no more.
I went through a denial period and eventually sank into depression. Though I am a believer I knew I needed support so as I prayed, I also went for counselling and still do.
I keep her memory close. I still look at her pictures, talk about her, and still go to her graveside. The pain and hurt never stop, we never really get over grief I guess, but we learn to cope better each passing day because the world does not stop, everything carries on.
I have an eighteen (18 months) month old son who picks up on my emotion and so, I try not to cry when with him and I pull myself together for his sake.
It is okay to cry. It is okay to feel pain. Do not feel bad about it, just make sure you get counselling. Talk about it. Pray about it. Life is beautiful. Take time to heal. when the days start getting better, go out, do things that would bring a bit of smile or sparkle to you. Do not feel guilty to be happy again.
To anyone grieving right now, I know there are days you feel you can't keep going. Days you can't wait to join the other person so you can hold and kiss them one more time. I know how much you long for that day but please, keep living. Continue to keep them in your heart in all you do. They will always be a part of you.
My name is Roseline Tambe. I am standing tall and Sparkling in Christ Jesus.✨