Monday, 23 October 2017

HIDDEN SCARS.

STORY ONE:

"She walks into the bedroom looking for her friend. There's nobody in the room. As she turns to leave, he walks in and locks the door.

What do you think you're doing? She asks. He pays no attention and walks towards her.
She walks backwards till there's nowhere to go. He grabs her and throws her on the bed.
I want you he says. I love you so much its driving me crazy. I can't get you out of my head.

She pleads with him, tears running down her face. Don't do this. Please, i beg you.
She hears the slit of her gown rip as he pulls at it.

I am on my period she pleaded again. please, i am on my period. She continues to cry out on the top of her voice. He appears lost and does not stop. Even the blood does not stop him.

Open this door, ''bro please open the door", screams his sister. She is banging and screaming at the same time.

This time, he stops and after a few seconds begins to weep and pull away. But it's too late. The deed has been done. He tells her he is very sorry.

He gets up and starts to leave. Just as he unlocks the door, he says to her; it's because i love you, you know.

He brushes past his sister whilst she runs to her friend who is weeping profusely on the bed. They hold on to each other as they cry.

I am so sorry for what my brother has done. Please forgive him, i beg you she says to her friend.

She gets up and tries to make herself look as decent as she can.
She feels cold and drained. 
Without saying a word to her friend, she walks out and heads home.

Getting home, she could not understand why he had done it. If he says he loves me; why would he try to rape me she thought. He is my friend's brother. he has asked me out a few times and i have politely told him i was not interested. i have only just turned 19 and he is a few years older.
What he feels cannot be love but lustful desires.

She never reported it and never spoke of it every again. She told herself it never happened.
She was never able to stay friends with his sister after that day.

A few years later, she heard he had gone to jail for raping a young lady. She was shocked and then felt extremely guilty and angry at the same time.

She should have reported him years ago. Maybe this would not have happened. But the thought of anyone knowing felt so shameful. Who would believe she did not instigate it? Most importantly, who would have believed her?

No, she thought. It was best i never said anything.

Even though she feels justice has been served to him, she still lives with her secret. Her hidden scars"


The above story is what some girls,ladies, women are going through it have gone through.

Do not hide from the truth. Seek help. If you cannot confide in your mother, go to a doctor or a counsellor.

Go for check up as well. You never know what infections could be passed on.

I"ve heard a few stories going around and I wonder what would posses any one to think raping a lady is a sign of love..

Please women, do not share such burden alone.

Do not allow any boy or man steal your sparkle.

#SpeakupSpeakout.





Tuesday, 17 October 2017

BEING SINGLE IS NOT A DISEASE.

Watching an elderly couple walking down the high street holding hands, chatting and having a laugh put a smile on my face.
I have always admired couples who have close bonds. Growing up I never truly wanted to get married.


I had seen so many married people who were sad, men and women who were simply coping in their marriages just to please people around them,( yes there still are people in such marriages even now ) and in the end, displease themselves and go through a very sad time.


Then recently, I saw a write up by a senior of mine from secondary school, a blogger and an investment guru, Subomi Plumtre.  She wrote about an amazing couple.


This couple happens to be one I grew up to know and admire; my very own pastor -Rev and Mrs. Bosun Ayinde. Just before I came to England, he gave me counseling on marriage and trust me, it has stuck with me ever since.


I recall at some point in life, when I started seeing marriage In a different light, my friends and I in church said if it wasn't Rev Ayinde who handled our wedding then no one else will.
That was how much we admired him and how much he influenced my thoughts towards marriage.


Reading their story again recently brought out a feeling inside of me I had not felt in a long time.
I had almost gotten so used to being independent that deep down I really didn't mind being single.


Do I really want to remain single?  The answer is no. 
Do I admire people who are married and have kids?  Oh yes, I do.
I have received so many lectures from people on why I should get married and also stop being 'picky''.

If you are a single woman out there. Listen to me.......

Do not for any reason feel desperate to settle down with just anyone. Yes, it can be lonely some days. But it's not a permanent situation. If you do want to get married, it will happen. Being single is not a disease. Do not allow people make you think you have an ailment or condition that needs a vaccination or treatment to cure you; which is for you to get married.


On no account should you let people convince you to settle down with who you don't even care about just because you are getting older.
You have to learn to love yourself for who you are. While you wait for your better half to turn up, build yourself, invest in yourself.

Have a plan for yourself. A focus and a target so when the man turns up, he will join you on your journey.
Do not put your life on hold in the name of "I'm miserable and all alone", "nobody loves me".
If you do not learn to love yourself you will not be able to receive that love from anyone. 
Be happy. Surround yourself with family and friends that love you; exude positivity.


 I was recently asked how I felt about marriage. Because now I know better, I replied "marriage is what I make of it. I see now I can get married and have a happy home. My home does not have to be like the sad ones I saw when I was younger"


So if you are feeling weighed down. Feeling you have gotten too old and maybe you should just have kids and be done with it. Listen, it's never too late. There is time for everything [Ecclesiastics 3: 1-8]
So while you wait, look good, dress nice, give yourself treats, keep that smile on your face. Go on holiday, do something new. Enjoy being single while you can because when you settle down you will not have the same freedom you have now.

Do NOT frustrate yourself,  do not give yourself any unnecessary high blood pressure or a migraine. As far as I know, nothing so far has been solved from worrying and thinking.
Trust me, I know (I have a Ph.D. in worrying and thinking).


If you have anything to add, share or comment on, Kindly do so on the comment section.
I am single and I sure do Sparkle.
Do you?

Saturday, 7 October 2017

ALL ABOUT AMANDA .

On Tuesday, we looked at a condition known as Hydrocephalus which is also known as "water on the brain" Hydrocephalus is a build-up of fluid inside the skull, which can increase pressure and cause damage to the brain. This story has made me really emotional. 

Meet a mother who has a blessed daughter with hydrocephalus and how she is coping and trying her best to sparkle through it.

This is her story:

My name is Nathalie Tamasha. I am originally from The Republic of Congo, but grew up in Uganda.

In 2014, I went for a gross anatomy test to know the sex of my baby ,I had prayed the night before for it to be a girl. But I was uneasy through the night and was scared but didn't understand why.

During the scan, they found out that my baby had some complications. The doctor informed me my baby had "water on the brain" and that it was a girl.

I could not understand nor comprehend what he was saying. I was just 22 years old at the time and I had never heard of such a condition so, I tried to understand better by asking what could have caused it. He said it could occur if I fell, was hit or been in a fight or it could be genes.

On hearing this, I became very angry, sad and confused all at the same time.
Firstly, when I found out I was pregnant ,I was living with my mum in Uganda. If you grew up with an African parent or in Africa, you will understand my dilemma

When I told my boyfriend then (father of my daughter) the result, he let me realise that it was in his family.
We were advised to abort the baby but we decided we needed to give her a chance to live.

When she was born, we named her Amanda and she looked normal like any other baby . I was so excited and was glad I had kept her. She had full hair and was adorable. I almost believed they had made a mistake about her condition.


At 3months, we noticed her head began to expand. She would cry day and night and this affected me. We both weren't sleeping. I ended up having problems with my nerves.



We decided to relocate to Sweden September last year so we could have better care for her as I was also not getting any support from my mum whatsoever. She would ask me to hide my baby. She called her "that thing" and didn't see her as a child.
Amanda has eating /swallowing problems and if not careful, sometimes food go into her lungs and she has to be rushed to the hospital. She is unable to speak and cannot see. She is unable to do anything herself. But she is my daughter. My child. I cannot imagine losing her.

Amanda in hospital

She was operated on at 8months but, the crying never stopped. The condition affected her growth.
According to the scan results, her brain is 3% compared to a normal person . The rest is fluid.




We were told she wouldn't live for more than three months but God had not said the final word regarding her. She is now three(3) years old.

It has not been easy as her dad hasn't been able to get his visa to come over . I have had to grow up real quick and become strong for my princess.

I know people feel I should have had an abortion but I love my daughter and I will keep caring for her and making her enjoy all she can while she is still here with me. I would love her to be an H & M model if that's possible. Everything she wears is H & M.


Amanda in a sensory room.

My advise to people is that they find out medical history about their to be partners so they know what they are getting themselves into. Also, Africans should change their attitude towards children with special needs /disabilities. They are unique and loving children just like any other child.
Show them love. Show their parents love. Treat them as you would any child. All they need is some extra love and patience .

Nathalie and Amanda

Its a very rough road I'm going through, would love to have support from family and friends if it were possible. But God is with me and is my strength. In it all, I plan to sparkle through it.



Tuesday, 3 October 2017

HYDROCEPHALUS.

I remember while growing up, in Sunday school class, being taught that Jesus took away our sicknesses and diseases. I always pondered why they made it sound like there was a lot of sickness and disease . After all, there were just Malaria, fever, cough, conjunctivitis, measles, polio, period pain, chicken pox, typhoid and "madness"(mental health). These were the diseases I knew as a young child.

As I grew older, I realised there were loads more sickness and disease in the world. Relocating from Nigeria to England, I realised that I didn't even know half of the ailments in the world. I have come to realise that there are so many that I cannot begin to list them. This thought has also made me ponder the weight of these sicknesses and diseases that Jesus had to bear on the cross.

Recently, I came across a mother and her daughter. Her daughter has what is known as HYDROCEPHALUS  also known as water in the brain.
(watch out for their story on Friday )

Hydrocephalus is a build up of fluid on the brain. This fluid when in excess, puts pressure on the brain which can damage it.

There are three main types of hydrocephalus:

a)Congenital hydrocephalus:- This is when the child is born with excess fluid in the brain(present at birth). This is also known as water on the brain. Many babies born with hydrocephalus have permanent brain damage. Due to this, they have long term complications such as learning disabilities, memory problems, short attention span, impaired speech, vision problems, epilepsy, physical co-ordination.

b)Acquired hydrocephalus:-This develops after birth and can affect both adults and children.
This could occur after a serious head injury, complications from a medical condition like brain tumour.

c)Normal pressure hydrocephalus:-This usually only develops in older people. NPH is rare and is a poorly understood condition that affects people who are over the age of 60. It could occur after a stroke or head injury. In most cases , the cause is unknown.
Dementia, urinary incontinence ,mobility problems are all main symptoms of NPH. But, because they come gradually and are similar to symptoms of other more common conditions like Alzheimer's disease, it can be difficult to diagnose.

Regular check ups are advised to be done. Please do not take headaches for granted or any pains to do with the head.
Brain scans such as CT scan and MRI scans can be used to diagnose congenital and acquired hydrocephalus.

TREATMENT:
We will look at the treatments next week. Till then, stay sparkling.

Information source: NHS CHOICES. The Information Standard

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